Fallout
by Paige M. Carter
Summary: A seemingly normal exorcism gone awry begins the healing process for the boys' relationship. Limp/Hurt!Sam, Big Brother!Dean. Spoilers for 5x01


Written for spuffy_girl on spn_hurtcomfort Live Journal comm. Nothing is owned by me.

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Sam hated exorcisms. Even after he'd learned out to cast out demons with his mind, he'd hated them. Exorcisms always made him feel like he'd been put through the ringer and now that he had no powers, it seemed to take even more out of him, and unfortunately, the demon they were trying to exorcise knew it.

"Look at you, the great Sam Winchester, Boy King of Hell, terror of demons everywhere and trying to get rid of me is wearing you out. Not so big and bad without your powers."

Sam tried to ignore the demon's taunts but he could feel the sweat pouring down his face and he wasn't even halfway through the exorcism. He was thankful that he'd brought the book with the rite in it because he was having trouble remembering everything.

Outside, he could hear Dean and Castiel dealing with the demon's followers while he took care of the leader. He'd been so grateful by the show of trust Dean was showing (albeit with Castiel and Bobby's prodding) he hadn't considered the fact that he might not be up to it. Even though he hadn't had to deal with detox after killing Lilith, the lack of demon blood left him feeling weak and tired a lot of the time but he refused to complain. Dean still hadn't forgiven him for letting Lucifer out and Sam didn't want to give his older brother any reason to trust him less than he already did; he was lucky that Dean hadn't just left him in the hospital parking lot after they'd talked to Bobby, he wasn't going to push his luck any further.

Finally, he got to the end of the exorcism and was satisfied to see the dark smoke of the demon leaving the victim's body, thankfully with the victim's soul still in its body.

Sam slumped against the nearest wall, too tired to listen to the victim's frightened question. He could hear Dean and Castiel downstairs calling his name. The victim, possibly seeing Sam's physical distress started shouting but Sam was past caring; his eyelids were getting heavy and he was so tired. The last thing he was aware of was of Dean calling his name but he couldn't bring himself to answer, sleep was calling and he couldn't resist it.

The next thing Sam was aware of, he was laying on something soft and he was warm and comfortable. Opening his eyes, Sam was confused to find himself in the spare room of Bobby's house. Frowning in confusion, he carefully sat up and wondered how he'd gotten here.

"You're awake." Sam was stunned to see Dean standing in the doorway.

"Yeah, I guess." Sam groaned as his head began to pound, "What happened?"

Dean sighed, "You passed out after exorcising that demon and were practically hyperventilating when Cas and I found you. Castiel says that most likely letting Lucifer out took a bigger toll on you than we thought and your body couldn't take the stress of the exorcism. Bobby said that you'd been acting like you didn't feel well."

Sam hung his head; great, now Dean would never trust him again. He'd been optimistic that he was close to regaining Dean's trust by handling the exorcism and now because he hadn't said anything about not feeling well, Dean was mad at him.

"Hey," Dean's voice was gentle as a hand forced Sam's chin up, "I'm not mad at you. You got the exorcism done and save my and Cas's asses." Dean sighed again, "And I had a talk with Bobby and Cas while you were out and I've been unfair to you about letting Lucifer out. Yeah, you fucked up, but if I hadn't given in to Alistair and broke the first seal, Lilith wouldn't have had a chance to break the other seals. Besides, the angels and the demons were so determined for you to let Lucifer out, one of them was bound to succeed. You just got stuck holding the bag."

Sam felt tears streaking down his cheeks, it wasn't fair for Dean to shoulder the blame for his fuck-up. Dean had been in Hell and had been tortured, Sam had really no one to blame for this but himself.

Dean bit his lip when he saw the tears streaking down his little brother's face and instinctively reached out to hold him and offer a little comfort.

They sat like that until Sam cried himself out. Dean gently lowered his exhausted little brother back on to the bed and sat down next to him. Even though he and Sam weren't nearly back to where they'd been before Dean's trip to hell, Dean's job first and foremost was to take care of Sam and that was what he was going to do, Lucifer, the angels and the apocalypse could wait.

The end

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I might write more of this. Would anyone be interested in reading Dean's POV?


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